I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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