1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
