If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
