I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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