He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
