sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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