cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
