I forgot how hot balto sounded
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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