Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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