we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
