Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
