Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
