fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
