The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
