no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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