she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
