I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
