Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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