He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize