i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
