you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
