We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is Oprah even human
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
