Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
