don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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