We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to have your abortion
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize