This house was built for laser tag.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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