perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize