Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
