dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I looked at my own cervix.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
