Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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