remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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