sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
