my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
