capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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