I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
