So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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