i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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