I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How does one acquire holy water?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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