I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
