im six kinds of drunk right now
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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