and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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