my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
