I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
