mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
