She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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