I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
