Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
