He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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