just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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