new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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