@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
