I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
