So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
