I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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