he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh god it's open bar.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
