I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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