Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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