Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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