Me. At least after what I've been through.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
