wrigley field is MILF paradise
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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