i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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