i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
