I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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