do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We named our party play list daddy issues
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
