Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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