Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm having to shit out rocks
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