If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
