How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
