Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
