Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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