So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
