So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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