Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
